I’m happy to report , I have found my mindfulness! Sounds funny right ? After processing 8 months of pain, I’ve discovered my comfort again, in myself! In just Being, and doing NOTHING.
Often times, When we can take a step back and be with our realities, we may find a resilience within, that we never would have known, if we would have given up on OURSELVES.
The one constant I had during the hardest year of my life, was the understanding that I no longer had an unhealthy relationship with my mind! My mind was a constant friend to me, even in what others perceived as bad moments, I was aware of my mind and, my body.
I never put myself down for crying or being emotional. I never had any regrets about a conversation I had with someone, While in an upset emotion. I processed with a purpose.
There is one thing that I wasn’t paying attention to, however and that was releasing the burden of feeling as though it is my job, and solely my job, to help end white supremacy. I knew when I was coming to a place of pure mindfulness again when I no longer wanted to have conversations about racism.
It’s only been a few weeks, but in this time I’ve cancelled @ lease 6 meetings, I’ve made a conscious effort to stay off of social media as much as possible. I released the expectation That I put on myself, that if I stop and rest, I won’t be able to pick back up my momentum.
You see, it’s not possible for me to lose the momentum of fighting for black lives. It’s not possible for me to lose momentum for fighting for mental health communities. It’s not possible for me to lose momentum on fighting for The LGBTQ plus community. It’s not possible for me to lose momentum on fighting for marginalised humans rights.
What I hope to express to you today is this; wherever you are, there you will be! Therefore we must take real great care of our mind and thoughts, heart and soul. As much as we try, we can not run away from our own selves. Sit with yourself in all of the STUFF, and do it as your closest friend would. With much care and kindness.
This phase of Mindfulness for me, feels like a warm weighted blanket, wrapping all the way around me. I am here. I am loved. I am joy. I am black. I am Queer. I am Mindful.